FOR THE PLAINTIFF: THE LEFT HAND REPRESENTS THE HEART
FOR THE DEFENSE: THE RIGHT HAND REPRESENTS THE BRAIN
Parts of the body assembled in the chamber to help resolve a conflict between two of their own. The brain and the heart had been at each other’s throats for some weeks and were interfering with normal bodily functions. The bailiff, who ironically was the throat, called the chamber to order as the three-judge bench took their seats. In the opening statements, the left hand representing the heart, laid blame on the brain for alleged bruising and breaking from decisions made by the latter. The right hand however asserted that the decisions highlighted by the heart’s team were in fact a consolidation of the heart’s wishes and called the entire complaint a deliberate move to place false blame on the brain.
The heart went first calling its first witness to the stand. The three-judge bench comprising of the toes, hair, and ankles sat motionless while whispers filled the gallery as the nose took his position on the witness stand. The nose was sworn in of course without laying his hand on the good book but rather blew air from its right nostril to assert respect for the noble proceedings. The left hand shot up briskly moving to the floor and after exchanging pleasantries with the nose began extrapolating the events from two weeks ago when Becky first met Steve. After the date, as the left hand pointed out, Steve had hugged Becky. All the body parts agreed to this as they remembered the electric feeling, the question however was what happened next. The nose explained inhaling a special almost intoxicating scent which it promptly relayed to the brain as per usual. The right hand objected as it wasn’t the nose’s prerogative to know whether the scent was intoxicating or not. The hair sustained the claim as the nose proceeded. On relaying the message, the nose received direct communication that the scent was in fact a one of a one-of-a-kind musky, Bulgari man in black.
On further questioning as to the nature of this response, the nose revealed that the feedback was different because rather than just being a set of data packets the information carried cookies deployed to the nose to take a deeper sample of the scent and a stamp of approval be issued to the individual. Once the whispers were stilled by the toes’ loud bang on the gavel, the left hand continued.
‘So not only did the brain immediately approve the scent, she asked for another sample?’ The nose concurred. The left hand sat down grinning as the right hand fastened her watch and took to the floor. ‘Mr. Nose you have explained the process by which you deliver and receive communication to the brain. We can attest to the virulence of your efforts citing last week’s birthday party when you diligently relayed the smell coming from the bathroom that day causing all of us to get sick”
‘Objection my Lord, what is the relevance of this trip down a catastrophic memory lane? Unless my colleague wants to relieve her epic defeat in trying to prevent Becky from hurling all over her new boyfriend?’ Interjected the left hand. Counselors please refrain from attacking each other, let’s resolve one conflict at a time, objection sustained. ‘Mr. nose kindly explain to us the effect that this scent exerted as it traveled to and fro the brain.’ The right hand inquired. Immediately the nose began running and after a helping hand passed on a tissue, he began explaining how every cell in the body began glowing with a renewed sense of feeling as the scent moved through the body to the brain. ‘Thank you, Mr. Nose, just the words I was looking for a renewed sense of feeling. Well we all know who’s responsible for feeling’ said the right hand just as the left hand shot up to interject. ‘Nothing further your honor’ and with that the right hand took her seat. Citing that both sides had nothing further for that particular witness. The nose stepped down still clinging to her now soiled tissue. The right hand was granted the prevue to call their first witness.
Sauntering down the chamber’s isle in a sexy hot pink shade of Huda Beauty was the plump, full, and unmistakable outspoken mouth. She took her sweet time getting to the stand being sure to smile wide enough almost blinding the rest of the body parts. ‘Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth so helps you God?’ Said the throat. ‘Oh honey, there’s nothing that can come in or out of me without being whole’. The mouth said smiling cheekily. ‘Watch yourself’ The ankle said. She quickly gave the book a kiss and took her seat. The right hand shot up and walked over to the mouth and after a greeting and a kiss behind the palm, the right hand inquired about the events after the final hug between Becky and Steve. ‘Oooh child that imprint has been engraved on my lips forever. Finely shaped set of freshly brushed snow-white teeth and he used Listerine total care. Hunnie you know how expensive that shit is so we know old boy can tip!’ ‘Objection my Lords, are we really about to subject this court to nonsense rambling from a…’ ‘Nonsense rumbling? Oh, I know you’re still mad because I sucked Jakes’s dick so good he had to tie you up because you kept getting in the way.’ Shouted the mouth.
The gallery broke into a frenzy. The toes banged hard on the gavel until they managed to subside the uproar. ‘Please refrain from cursing Miss Mouth and stick to the relevant issues of the case.’ Said the ankle. ‘Easy for you to say, you’re used to nasty foot smells. Stinky breath is the number one killer of relationships coz it guarantees your first date will be your last.’ Retorted the mouth. The hair interjected leading the mouth back to the question at hand. ‘Well after the hug,’ the mouth began. ‘I seriously thought that was it. I’d already started eyeing a juicy smoky stand across the road but then suddenly I felt something against me! Lo and behold it was the most delicious set of lips to ever graze me and I’m sure he went feeling the same way.’ On further persuasion the right hand got the mouth to fully describe the kiss.
‘It started soft and smooth as we both seemed rather shy. Then he began growing bolder sucking my lips harder and harder. The right hand ran around his cheek as the left wrapped around his neck pushing me closer to Steve’s mouth. His tongue reached me and parted my lips allowing him a taste of the juices I had flowing that day. I assumed he held Becky tighter because I felt us even closer as he let me suck on his too-delicious-for-this-world- tongue taking time to moan over his tiny nibbling of my lower lip. I remember his hand trailing to the hair and she seemed all too happy for the intrusion knowing how superficial she is about her looks’
‘Objection, she can’t possibly testify to that, she was busy getting wet.’ Shouted the left hand. ‘Not as wet as kitty over there.’ Suddenly the whole courtroom turned to face kitty who had spilled her juice box all over the floor. The nails hit the gavel calling for a brief recess to clean up the chambers and the first to run out was double D assumedly a safety precaution so as not to poke someone’s eye out. ‘what was it like to kiss Steve?’ Came right hands question after the chamber resumed its proceedings. ‘Are you kidding it felt like paradise. I could kiss him all day and night too. I’ve actually been imagining how he would taste covered in Irish cream, gelato or melted chocolate I mean wow! It felt like paradise. Nothing further my Lords’ The right hand sat down feeling rather victorious. ‘miss mouth you have testified to you moving closer to Steve’s lip, could you have done that on your own?’ ‘Without the rest of the parts?’ Mouth asked. ‘No sir, a girl can dream though I wouldn’t trade my role for anything, otherwise who will vet prospects for kitty’
‘So other parts had to work coinciding with you to get you closer to Steve is that right?’ Proceeded the left hand. ‘You bet’ said mouth. ‘Kindly, tell us whose job it is to co-ordinate movement and functions of almost all bossy parts. ‘Asked left hand. ‘The brain of course, that’s the first thing we learn in body school-listen to the brain.’ She said rather triumphantly and with that left hand stepped back. The judges excused miss mouth off the stand. ‘For the record, whoever’s idea it was to eat garlic that night nearly ruined the evening for every one of us. Lips like that don’t just grow on people! With a loud bang of the gavel she left the stand throwing the court reporter’s box of tissues to Kitty.
